The first rule here is to allow your children to make their own rules about forming friendships, while guiding them to use everyone’s best interest to decide her rules. Asking Sarah how she would feel if the tables are turned can help her understand the effects of making this decision on the child who does not get chosen for best friend status. Help children to recognize the importance of all their friends by giving the example of the way different family members contribute differently to the whole family.

       First, Marks parents should be proud of their son for this conflict. They have done a great job at teaching him how to be an advocate and to have empathy for the wellbeing of others. Now he just needs to learn how to deal with the fact that he might suffer for doing the right thing. Losing friends is not something anyone wants to do, even friends who are not the best people are relationships that are very important to the developing adolescent. Help you child understand why these other children are being bullies may help him feel less fearful of losing them and also set him up to be helpful in the lives of the bullies. Praise your child for doing the right thing and reassure him that he can lean on you for support while he figures out what to do. This will help him know that even if he loses friend, he still has support. Teach him how to deliver “cool down” strategies to his friends, so the next time he observes them behaving badly he might redirect them away from the victim. Part of building empathy in children is giving them the tools to make decisions that have a positive influence on others.

     This is a great opportunity to teach Charles about feelings and behaviour. Tell Charles that dog might get angry if he keeps poking at it. Sharing your own experience of being angry can also help Charles come to terms with his behaviour. Explain to him that you get really frustrated when you think about problems you’ve had. Ask Charles to help you find ways that you can avoid being angry. Then express how nice it is to have his help figure out how to manage angry feelings. When children label other people’s feelings and help them problem solve their situations he can more easily see how he is feeling, thus he may begin to gain control over strong emotions and communicate them to others rather than take them out on the family dog.

       This is a good opportunity to teach Shawn about ways to manage his anger. Give him some ideas other than breaking toys, perhaps suggesting that he release his energy by jumping up and down or draw an angry picture. The important thing is to teach the child that there are many different ways for expressing feelings without destroying or hurting something else.

       The first thing to realize is that children are emotional, and all their emotions are okay. Managing them and teaching regulation is the goal. Rather than getting on to the boy and making his mood feel worse, Dad gives Jason some choices here which works to calm the child down. Jason can help his dad clean up the broken mess while they discuss what happened. Dad can reinforce that this is why playing with the ball in the house is not allowed. This gives the boy a feeling of control over his emotions as he knows what steps to take to fix the problem. It also supports his developing confidence to make better judgement next time. Dad also tells Jason to come get him the next time he wants to play ball and they will do it outside where there is plenty of room and nothing breakable. This increases Jason’s calming feeling and gives him something to plan for, which further increases his emotional regulation as he now has a way to expect outcomes.

              Muhammad is dealing with jealousy. He wants everything and to be friends with everyone and he does not want to share anything that he claims. Jealousy is often painful, and children feel emotions more strongly than adults. Muhammad’s parents usually scold and shame him, but this really makes everything worse. They can help their son deal more effectively with jealousy by acknowledging the feelings and situations which bring up these intense feelings. If you child is wanting things he doesn’t have, help them to understand that things cost money and if he does extra household chores he can earn some money to buy it. If it’s people your child is jealous over, emphasize the importance of sharing many friends and people. You may consider role playing with your children to help them understand their feelings and ways to be kind even when they feel that way. Eventually, with practice of being positive even when feeling negative, children will start to understand the value of positivity and their emotions will begin to naturally regulate.

             Some children have not developed the distinction between being wrong for doing something and making a mistake. Of course, lying is wrong and mistakes happen. Imagine one of your favorite things being right in front of you and you can’t touch it. Self-control is hard even for adults. When we hold children to a nearly impossible standard, they learn to deny their role in it. When adults discourage children from taking responsibility because they fear being in trouble they will avoid telling the truth but that does not mean they are lying to be purposely deceitful. Have some patience and tell Steve that you understand his temptation while reinforcing that he should not have taken the cookie since he knew there was not enough to share.

           Rather than take away her toys, which increases the negative behavior, teach Lacy to be self-aware of her toys. Help her notice how nice her room looks when it is tidy. Ask her what will she do to play with toys when they are all put away. The common response is to take them out and play with them. Then Aha! Lacy realizes that even when her toys are put up, if she wants to play all she has to do is take them back out of their place. Building self-awareness is a skill to help children monitor their choices and their behavior. Having an understanding of our wants and our motives helps us make better decisions, and that goes for children as well.

            The teacher did the best thing the first time, as she observed Mary was sad and labelled the emotion with a comforting tone. Yet Mary behaved angrily, and the teacher did not respond the same.

           We cannot let our feelings become hurt when children do not respond to us the way we expect them to do. The best approach is to validate Mary again, saying something like, “I understand why you are feeling the way you do. Sometimes being sad leads me to become angry too. Especially when I am missing someone. Do you miss your mom, Mary?”. This validates her feelings and teaches her how to use words to express difficult emotions.

            Often a child’s selfish impulse and lack of empathy can be seen be bad and disgusting rather as a natural thing for children to do when they are not emotional developed. Shaming children or being too controlled sends messages that they are themselves wrong. Trying to ignore the feelings of children is essentially denying their reality and ignores the child’s feelings. Rather than disgrace them, teach them skills to be complimentary to others and recognize that some of the behavior is your child’s individual temperament and their way of thinking at this age. Remember, children develop at different paces so don’t assume your child should automatically know that it’s impolite to tell Aunt Tammy that her hairstyle looks dumb. Simply correct them and establish expectations for future behavior.

               It can be hard to understand why or how a child could be very emotional, but as a parent you should try not to be annoyed or dismissive with an extra sensitive child. Rather than seeing Baron as overly emotional and problematic, try to think about what it must be like to be a very sensitive feeling person. Appreciate them for who they are and teach them about regulating their emotions instead of letting them overwhelm you

               Validating her point of view while teaching her that we must be responsible to others can help her become more emotionally aware of others. For example, when she takes away a toy from her brother her mother could say, “I understand how you would want to make you sure the toys are taken care of but we need find ways to make everyone happy– not only you.”

             A very good way for parents to figure out what is happening with James is to address environmental factors by asking him questions about what he is feeling to get his perspective. When James feels heard when he is going through hard emotions, he feels validated for his feelings. Trying this as a first response before putting him in time out may help calm him down enough to discuss the offending behavior. You can say things like, “it’s okay to feel angry but it’s not okay to hit when we are mad”.

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